Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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