come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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