i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
