just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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