Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
