Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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