Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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