Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
