So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
