you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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