I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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