i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
