Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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