I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
