i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
