I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He better not be in your backpack
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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