Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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