I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
