I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
