I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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