Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
