Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
