There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
