Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
