I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
