Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
