You made me cry and you don't even care
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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