Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
zippers are such a cool invention
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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