I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
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Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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