just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My breasts were aching with rage.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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