Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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