You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
