these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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