i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
