Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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