A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
