You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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