you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
