Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
