I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
