At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
