my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
