he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
