I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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