what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
