Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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