We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
