You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
