So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
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Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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