Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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