Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
