the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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