I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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