Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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