You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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