update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
