I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
