god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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