I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All I want is dick and wine.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
