He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
