the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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