i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
